Damn... I haven't blogged in over a year. A whole damn year!! So some might ask why I fell off the blogging wagon while others could care less.:) I've started thousands (OK, slight exaggeration) of new posts but havent been able to go through with posting any of them. So here is attempt 1,001.
I've been a hott mess most of this year in terms of which direction I see myself going. In relation to fitness, family, friends, and career. A HOTT MESS. I have tried repeatedly to get my shit together and focus but that in itself has become an issue. Ive focused on the wrong things for too long and the right things even less. You following?
Fitness... Um..... Yeah.... Lets just start with that.
Working out for me has NEVER been a problem. I LOVE it, and I'm not just saying that. I truly do enjoy lifting weights and getting my sweat on. I miss it and get grumpy when I am not able to hit the gym because of life. So what's the problem??? FOOD, I also really LOVE food... maybe too much but who doesn't? We are a society that bases EVERYTHING on food. I started this journey a year and a half ago and initially it was really easy. Workout and log calories.. Hooray! Weight loss. Then I attempted a whole 30 challenge.. If you're not familiar with this, Its 30 days of NO processed food.
*No Grains
*No Dairy
*No Chocolate
*No Alcohol.
Whats left you ask?? Meat, veggies, and fruit. Did it, lost inches and weight and felt AMAZING. I remember thinking.. Holy hell, who knew that diet could really affect your energy level, your skin, your hair, your attitude. WHO KNEW. I was convinced I would never go back to eating processed shit with 1,000 cancer causing agents EVER again. BUT.... I did. Do you want to know WHY? Google and Social media overtook my fucking brain... and I started getting serious about weight lifting and began to think about doing a fitness competition. If you know anything about the bodybuilding industry, you know there is a shit ton of info available... most of which conflicts. One thing I've found... Protein is SOO IMPORTANT in order to build muscle. How would I know if I was eating enough?... enter IIFYM
IIFYM.. If it fits your macros. A macro is either protein, carbohydrate, or fat.. Instead of just tracking calories.. You track grams of these things.. and the ratios matter when it comes to body composition. Sure, you can lose weight based on calories in and calories out but making sure these macro nutrients are at ideal numbers will really change your body composition...
ARE YOU TIRED OR CONFUSED YET??? YEAH, ME TOO... WELL MOSTLY JUST TIRED.
Fact is, Ive gotten so used to playing this number game, I drive myself crazy. If you're type A like me, you have to do EVERYTHING right. I want the numbers to line up right so I become a little uh... neurotic.. obsessed... OCD.. whatever you want to call it, you get the point. Does being an insane number nazi wreak havoc on my friendships, family time, and my self worth? YES, it does. Ask Jason how many times I have freaked the fuck out on him for not weighing something or adding a sauce that I didn't account for!! My kids know what MFP is! They know what a carb, protein, and fat are. Sad but true. Let me go over these SAID numbers or not be able to find the nutritional value on something and it will ruin my day faster than anything you've ever seen... in fact on occasion it has ruined my week, which then leads me to self sabotage..... and I am not proud of any of these things. In fact, they sadden the fuck out of me.
So here I am.... trying to give up the numbers game, and its hard as fuck. Life should not be about numbers. It shouldn't be about the number of cars you have, the number of times you attended church, the number on the scale, the number on that little tag inside your jeans, or the number of grams of protein I ate today. You cant obtain a fitness competitor's body without being a number and food nazi. Show me one who's not and I will prove you wrong. The level of dedication and sacrifice they put forth to look a certain way is admirable.. but there is a time and place for all that. Until, I decide and commit to compete, I will have no abs, and my muscles will be that of every other average person that works out. I will continue to eat healthy because that's when I feel my best.. But fuck... its time to put this shit to rest. :)
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