More macros and shit!

If you thought this was going to be some non food/ exercise related blog... Exit now. Maybe next time.  Yea.... So about that last macro post.. You know the one where I'm all like "FUCK macros, I'm living life !"  ? That lasted approximately 2 weeks... Yep 2.

Hi ho hi ho... Back to counting I go. I decided to commit but not obsess.. Why bother you ask? Well cause I have goals.. DUH! Was it easy? I've done much harder things! Was it a pain in the ass? Did it require extra planning? Uh... Yeah! Have you ever heard the saying... "The best things in life don't come easy" or  how bout "great things happen OUTSIDE your comfort zone"  or what about Theodore Roosevelt's quote " Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty"???? 

All valid..... If it were EASY we would all be doing it. So I put on my granny panties.... Oops, I mean big girl panties and forged ahead. I did not obsess about the numbers but I planned to meet them pretty easily. I enjoyed froyo, pizza, and the occasional adult beverage. Did it require sacrifice? I guess you could say so... Eating lean protein almost all day so I could enjoy pizza with my family is a sacrifice I guess. But I'm sure there are worse things. 

So ..... Where the fuck am I going with this post..... Oh  let me take a selfie 
Down 5.6 lbs in 4 weeks. 

  
To wrap this blog up... If you want it bad enough ... You will have to work for it! Did I go 2000 over in calories today before I wrote this.. Yes! Did I just gain over 1/2 pound... Yes! Does shit happen? Yep! I totally blame hormones!!!! They will make me hungry and doubt my plan.. Every... Damn... Time. Back on the wagon tomorrow! Far from done! 😘😘

BAD MOODS AND SUCH

I've been in a super ill mood lately! Does this ever happen to you? If not, CONGRATS !!!; you're NOT  a normal fucking human being. Some people scream when they're having a bad day, some work out, some drink, some eat, some cry.... you're getting the point right? While I do some of these, I mainly just shut down.  That's right.. SHUT THE FUCK DOWN.  NO, I don't want to text, talk, or write.  I don't want people to come over. I just want to sulk... by myself. It gives me time to reflect on what's causing me to be in a mood and it also saves others from being a victim of my bad mood.

I try to be a positive person and believe me this takes A LOT of effort on my end. I feel being negative is a learned behavior which then turns in to a habit and well we all know.. Habits are bitches to break!!! So here I sit writing this blog to tell the world... I'm in a bad mood.. but hey, this too shall pass!!!!

Crazy Ramblings... back into blogging

Damn... I haven't blogged in over a year. A whole damn year!! So some might ask why I fell off the blogging wagon while others could care less.:) I've started thousands (OK, slight exaggeration) of new posts but havent been able to go through with posting any of them. So here is attempt 1,001.

I've been a hott mess most of this year in terms of which direction I see myself going. In relation to fitness, family, friends, and career. A HOTT MESS. I have tried repeatedly to get my shit together and focus but that in itself has become an issue. Ive focused on the wrong things for too long and the right things even less. You following?

Fitness... Um..... Yeah.... Lets just start with that.

Working out for me has NEVER been a problem. I LOVE it, and I'm not just saying that. I truly do enjoy lifting weights and getting my sweat on. I miss it and get grumpy when I am not able to hit the gym because of life. So what's the problem???  FOOD,  I also really LOVE food... maybe too much but who doesn't? We are a society that bases EVERYTHING on food. I started this journey a year and a half ago and initially it was really easy. Workout and log calories.. Hooray! Weight loss. Then I attempted a whole 30 challenge.. If you're not familiar with this,  Its 30 days of NO processed food.

*No Grains
*No Dairy
*No Chocolate
*No Alcohol.

Whats left you ask?? Meat, veggies, and fruit. Did it, lost inches and weight and felt AMAZING. I remember thinking.. Holy hell, who knew that diet could really affect your energy level, your skin, your hair, your attitude. WHO KNEW. I was convinced I would never go back to eating processed shit with 1,000 cancer causing agents EVER  again. BUT.... I did. Do you want to know WHY? Google and Social media overtook my fucking brain... and I started getting serious about weight lifting and began to think  about doing a fitness competition. If you know anything about the bodybuilding industry, you know there is a shit ton of info available... most of which conflicts. One thing I've found... Protein is SOO IMPORTANT in order to build muscle. How would I know if I was eating enough?... enter IIFYM

IIFYM.. If it fits your macros. A macro is either protein, carbohydrate, or fat.. Instead of just tracking calories.. You track grams of these things.. and the ratios matter when it comes to body composition. Sure, you can lose weight based on calories in and calories out but making sure these macro nutrients are at ideal numbers will really change your body composition...
ARE YOU TIRED OR CONFUSED YET??? YEAH, ME TOO... WELL MOSTLY JUST TIRED.

Fact is, Ive gotten so used to playing this number game, I drive myself crazy. If you're type A like me, you have to do EVERYTHING right. I want the numbers to line up right so I become a little uh... neurotic.. obsessed... OCD.. whatever you want to call it, you get the point. Does being an insane number nazi wreak havoc on my friendships, family time, and my self worth? YES, it does. Ask Jason how many times I have freaked the fuck out on him for not weighing something or adding a sauce that I didn't account for!! My kids know what MFP is! They know what a carb, protein, and fat are. Sad but true. Let me go over these SAID numbers or not be able to find the nutritional value on something and it will ruin my day faster than anything you've ever seen... in fact on occasion it has ruined my week, which then leads me to self sabotage..... and I am not proud of any of these things. In fact, they sadden the fuck out of me.

So here I am.... trying to give up the numbers game, and its hard as fuck. Life should not be about numbers. It shouldn't be about the number of cars you have, the number of times you attended church, the number on the scale, the number on that little tag inside your jeans, or the number of grams of protein I ate today. You cant obtain a fitness competitor's body without being a number and food nazi. Show me one who's not and I will prove you wrong. The level of dedication and sacrifice they put forth to look a certain way is admirable.. but there is a time and place for all that. Until, I decide and commit to compete, I will have no abs, and my muscles will be that of every other average person that works out. I will continue to eat healthy because that's when I feel my best.. But fuck... its time to put this shit to rest. :)

Recap of Jamie Eason's Livefit

Its DONE, OVER, FINISHED!!! I completed the trainer today. Let me recap before you get the results. For those who haven't been following me, although I make it pretty hard to NOT know what I'm doing via Facebook, I embarked on a fitness program 84 days ago. I came across Jamie Easons trainer on bodybuilding.com while I was searching for a challenge. Her program consists mainly of weight training and some cardio. Her first month doesn't include any cardio at all!!!! As a former cardio junkie, I couldn't fathom not doing cardio but I did it, I trusted the program with a little help from Jason of course and followed through. 

It was challenging and tough, but completely doable. Before I knew it I was feeling pretty badass at the gym and not missing my cardio at all. I missed 2 days when I hurt my back but I repeated those days when I got back in the gym. I was determined and dedicated. I trusted the process, which was difficult at times. She recommends a diet that is basically just clean eating which I had already been doing for a month. Good carb, healthy protein, veggies, and a little fat. Before embarking on her program I was eating Paleo so I did make some adjustments and introduced grains and dairy into my diet. I also upped my protein considerably. All said and done I followed the diet 90 % of the time. I did allow myself one cheat meal which I did not count my macros or calories. I had whatever I wanted and most times this even included an adult beverage or two. 

One more thing then I will get to the progress pics, because that's really why you came to this site today. This program has taught me a lot  but I would say the MOST important things I've learned were:
1. Diet is 70% responsible for your results
2. The numbers on the scale mean nothing!! Gauge your progress with BF %, measurements, and more importantly pictures. Pictures do not lie. 
3. Work your ass off, Lift heavy weights. You should be dripping with sweat after EVERY workout. 

Now the proof is in the pics...so lets get to it

Starting weight: 151
Weight now: 143.6

Starting BF 22%
BF now 19.2%

Lost inches of my stomach, thighs,and hips. I gained an inch on my arms. :)

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

I know! I know!! My face is hysterical in the middle one.. Like I'm going to kill your ass. Ok, so there!! Bathing suit pics like promised and you have NO idea how hard is was to post these.... so be NICE when you comment. OH, and YES I know my boobs are huge. :)

On to my next challenge.. I'm not done yet. Im about to be seriously bad ass. 

Phase 1 Completed!!

I just started Phase 2 yesterday, welcome back cardio. Phase 1 just flew by...
I was totally planning on posting some progress pics but... but... but....theres really not too much difference. I had Jason take some pics and they were at a closer angle than the before ones, Im not sure if thats whats throwing me off or its just there really isnt that much difference. My dumb ass also decided I would take before pics in a bikini. Posting the pics without seeing substantial results makes me a little nauseaous to be honest. Why did someone not tell me to wear workout gear for my before pictures? Where are all my true friends? :)

I have lost about 5-6 lbs during this Phase and I really wasnt anticipating any scale movement. I had my body fat % done today and it hasnt budged. I truthfully dont get it. When I look in the mirror, I can see muscles I havent ever seen. I am lifting as heavy as I can go and Im sore nearly every day. So honestly, I dont know what gives. My diet is clean with the exception of ONE cheat meal a week. Nevertheless... im pressing on to Phase 2. Im ecstatic to add some cardio back into my life even though I have really come to love lifting. Heres hoping for some results....

Getting ready for week 3

I'm still hanging in there! Tomorrow, I will officially be starting week 3!!! The beginning of last week was a serious struggle for me as you could probably tell from my last post. Ive come to some realizations that are making this journey a lot easier for me. The most important of which was this simple fact;  Eating clean and eating paleo are different, they are! The main difference is that clean eating includes dairy and grains which are exempt on  paleo. I really had to evaluate my goals and commit to one versus the other and based on my goals Ive chosen one... Any guesses?????

Grains are now my friend as is dairy. I know you're shocked!!! To build muscle, you have to eat ALOT of protein and I'm just unable to do so without the help of dairy and protein powders. It is what it is. I am still doing my best in efforts to be natural.. I found a whey protein that has no additives. I only choose Greek yogurt with no additives and minimal sugar. I still wont use splenda or any artificial sweeteners. I still prefer almond milk over regular milk. It actually has given me more choices when it comes to eating... and I'm totally digging that!!!

I'm eating ALOT more than I have been and dropping weight too, which I wasn't at all expecting in the first phase. I actually had Jason take a picture of me on the beach yesterday and was amazed to see such a difference compared to my "before" pictures. I'm feeling SUPER too!!! Totally digging NOT doing cardio and I'm really AMAZED at how much I'm enjoying weight lifting and I'm also super AMAZED at how strong I am. I'm already seeing results and this is totally motivating me to keep going!!!! There might even be some end of phase 1 pics coming soon.. :)

*sigh*

If you know me, I mean REALLY know me, you know that once I make my mind up about something.. I tend to get a little...well there's no nice way to say it... Obsessed. So I have become slightly (cough) obsessed with this whole Livefit trainer. I want to do well. I want to get the best results possible. I would hate to waste 90 days of my life and walk away the same or worse. This leads me to my current dilemma!!

I cant follow the diet. I just cant fathom making homemade protein bars with 1/2c of stevia, truvia, or xyitol. I cant. I cant make myself drink whey protein with a million additives in which I cant pronounce the names. I shouldn't say I cant.... I wont. In order to get optimal results, I need to increase my protein intake drastically, this is such a hard thing to do without supplementing with protein powders and bars. So I'm left wondering what to do. Eat more chicken?? Do you know how much chicken I would have to eat to get 150 grams of protein? The answer is ALOT. Ive been lagging this week on my protein, I'm only getting half of whats recommended. Ive worried about what to do and even debated drinking the whey despite the crap in it. Ive driven my husband CRAZY trying to figure out what to do. I WANT the best results possible, I want to follow the program to a T. I WILL figure out a way. It's going to be challenging but that's my goal this week.. I will get the recommended protein.. Without compromising my paleo diet. WISH ME LUCK!!!

Onto New things... Well sort of!!

I have just a small infatuation with fitness and food lately. Have you noticed? Of course, of course you have. Well because I'm so infatuated with it all I'm constantly reading blogs, magazines, and searching the world wide web for more information. Lately Ive been obsessed with bodybuilding.

WAIT, before you think of women that look like this:

Instead, think of women that look like this:

Yes... this girl is just awesome. So I researched what it would take to get a body close to this. Here's the scoop:
1.Clean diet. You cant have a body like this when you're filling your face with a bunch of shit.
2. A lot of protein.1 gm per lb of body weight. That's ALOT of protein
3. Weights, weights, and more weights.
4. HIIT

So, I set out on a mission. This week I started Jamie Easons Livefit program. The program is 90 days and focuses on making you strong and then making you lean The first month, only weight lifting!! Absolutely NO cardio! Are you kidding me? As a cardio junkie, I wavered back and forth and finally just decided to DO it. First week down, and I have spent far less time in the gym than I ever have... Which to me is just weird.. But I'm keeping my eye on the prize. I went off Paleo and incorporated brown rice, protein powder, and some dairy like cottage cheese and yogurt to help me get more protein.. EPIC FAIL. I have never been so sick... so its back to Paleo I go... Hoping I will still achieve good results!!! Time will tell friends, time will tell!!! 

Cheat day????

So I planned a cheat day after 32 days on Paleo, what better day to cheat than on St. Pattys day. It was great to indulge a little but I felt like poo the next day not to mention guilty as hell. With that being said, I still feel cheat days are important for your soul. :)

Im back on another round of 30 days but Ive made some pretty big changes, not necessarily to the diet. I have decided to NOT weigh myself for the next 30 days. 5 days into it, I can tell you this is a super hard task for me but I felt it needed to be done, so the scale is on vacation for 25 more days. Ive also decided not to log my food on Myfitnesspal. I have been a pretty steady logger for probably about a year because I believe it holds me accounatble, but what I noticed when I switched to Paleo was I was ALWAYS under my calories. In 30 days, I did not go over my recommended calorie amount once! Before making the switch to Paleo, it was very hard for me to stay within my calorie limit, its amazing how much youre able to eat when you eat REAL food. Instead of logging and focusing on a number Im just focusing on my body's cues for hunger. Im totally stoked to see what the end of these 30 days bring!! Healthy habits ROCK!

30 days done....

Yesterday marked the last day of my 30 day Paleo challenge. What do you think I did today? No, I didn't  run for the nearest brownie or a big slice of cheese pizza. In fact, I ate the exact way I've eaten for the last 30 days.

You wanna know my results right? I know you do....but you'll have to wait. First, I just want you to listen (read) what I've learned over the last 30 days.

I've learned:

1. When I make my mind up about something I follow through without fail!
2. I look forward to salads, I used to hate them
3. Brownies don't have the appeal they once did
4. Diet Coke is essentially poison.
5. Eating healthy is expensive but not eating healthy will cost you a lot more in the long run.
6.You get more bang for your calories if you choose to eat the right things.
7. The food you put in your body determines how much energy you have.
8. People are negative about things they don't understand... It's not just a diet, it's a lifestyle. If you choose not to do it, I will not judge you,so don't judge me! 

Let me elaborate a little further on number 8. Many of you feel I don't need to lose any weight because I'm already too skinny; I just want to say you've never seen me naked or even in a bathing suit for that matter. Every time you scold me about being too skinny, losing too much weight, or turning down junk food, I'm secretly flipping you the finger! I've thought many times that the next time you say something to me about my weight I'm just going to flash you with my stomach, maybe that will shut you up. I by no means think I'm obese. I know I am at a healthy weight. I also knew I needed to clean up my diet to get optimal results. I have religiously counted calories and worked out consistently for the last two years, it works but without the proper diet the results are not optimal.

Now that that's out of the way. (Drumroll please)

In 30 days, I lost 7.8 lbs and 4.5 inches. I feel healthier than I've ever felt! I've been able to stop my blood pressure medication. I'm no longer struggling to stay within a certain number of calories, I just eat when I'm hungry, I just choose the right foods. You know what I'm talking about right? Nothing processed, nothing in a box, whole yummy natural foods! My hubs also lost weight, 12 lbs and 6 inches in 30 days. He too feels awesome! While I won't judge you for not eating the right foods , I would encourage and even challenge you to eat Paleo for 30 days, you will be amazed how you feel when those 30 days are up!  Thank you to my  buds Ana and Sarah who encouraged me to try it and answered all my questions. I owe you girls!


Here's to a happy healthy life!!!

Bonus!!!

Yes, I've been a super slacking blogger lately but in my defense, I was husbandless for 2 weeks. I know, I know, totally not a good excuse but anywho....
This Friday, I will be officially Paleo for 30 days and I cant wait to share my results with you. NOT NOW!! You have to wait till friday. :)

The last week and a half I have been crazy dizzy especially when getting up from one position into  another, Get your mind out of the gutter! I meant from sitting to standing, lying down to sitting up, etc. etc. I know from working in Cardiology for 14+ years that this can be caused from low blood pressure. Me, have low blood pressure? Impossible! Ive been on medication for blood pressure since I was 21. However, I did not take my pill yesterday and got a BP check today. It was in fact low... even without the pill. Im sure the low pressure in conjunction with the pill have been the cause for my dizzy spells. I did some reaserch, there are several articles where people have lowered their blood pressure on paleo. Is it possible I wont have to be on BP meds any longer? Only time will tell!!! Whoot Whoot!

Milestones!!

Just two weeks into it and i realized I had some major milestones this past week! Wanted to just share them with you. Short and sweet, PROMISE,

1. I am now drinking black coffee and I actually like the taste! When I first started this challenge i thought almond milk would surfice as a creamer substitute. It didn't, I thought it watered it down. So then I tried coconut milk, another EPIC fail. What's a girl to do? I considered doing what a lot of Paleoans do...make a small exception but... Well I am determined. I switched to tea. I can totally drink tea black, problem solved. THEN... I just missed my coffee. In my desperation for REAL caffeine, I grabbed a cup of black coffee. Huh, it's not that bad I thought. Here I am 3 days later drinking it and enjoying it!

2. I turned down cake this week! Cake! Chocolate cake! It's not as if I've NEVER turned down cake before but this time was different because I actually DID NOT want it. It did not even appeal to me. Who would have thunk it?

3. Americans revolve EVERYTHING around food, this is not a milestone but more of a revalation of sorts. Think about it! Birthday party? hmmm I wonder if they are going to have food and I wonder if they will have that awesome crack dip I love so much. Beach day? Lets bring some yummy subs and my favorite buffalo chips! Game night? Drinks and appetizers. Its never good for you foods! Just think about it....

Ok... Maybe this wasn't as short as first intended but the thought was TOTALLY there!

Bad Mood Rant!!!

This weekend was interesting. Alcohol, alcohol everywhere! I turned down alcohol on Friday night and then again on Saturday night. I felt good about it and really didn't feel a NEED to have a drink. For me, drinking is more of a social thing. I drink because other people are and it's just the natural thing to do. People who drink are deemed more fun. I myself have been in the presence of a couple non drinkers at parties and they can be rather dud-ish. Now I'm the dud. Lol! Kind of ironic since I'm the ultimate judge of those who don't like to have a drink. People's reaction to Jason and I's not drinking along with their reaction to our chosen way to eat is quite frankly irritating.Why do they care? 

No one is forcing me to eat like this, no one is forcing me to not drink, and no one is forcing me to go to the gym. I am doing this because I want to. I am doing this to challenge myself. I'm doing this to be healthier. I am taking care of the only body God gave me. Do not feel sorry for me that I CAN'T have pizza and beer because its not that I can't have it, it's that I am CHOOSING NOT to have it!  We all have choices, this is a choice. So back the fuck off!

OK, rant over!

The last 3 days....

I have been ridiculously busy the last 3 days and haven't blogged which I hate because I'm bound to leave stuff out! I will try my best. I got through a WHOLE weekend without drinking! Now I know I just made myself sound like a true alcoholic but I'm not. I do however like to kick back some drinks with friends on the weekend or have a couple glasses of wine with the hubs. Not ONE drink and I can honestly say it wasn't that painful. I do find the way people react to my non drinking slightly humorous! It's almost a crime to say "I'm not drinking". This must be what recovering alcoholics feel like once thrown back into the mix of things!

Moving on... This "lifestyle" can get pretty damn expensive and it takes a lot of prep work. The days of grabbing a box out of the kitchen and calling it dinner are gone but the way I feel after a week of doing it, it's totally worth it! I just feel good. ;) I'm learning what works as far as meals go and it is getting easier. I should note that I lost 7 freaking pounds this week! 7! 7! That's enough to keep me going. I haven't felt super deprived and its amazing how much you can eat for so little calories when you eat "real" food!

My only beef with Paleo so far is every time I try to research something I find conflicting info. Some people drink wine, eat SOME dairy, eat chocolate as long as its dark, and I have even seen some calling potatoes Paleo friendly! Those are all no no's right? Right? There are some super strict Paleo ers as well who frown upon even eating fruit!  It's crazy and at times I'm so confused but I'm just gonna keep on keepin on. ;) Till my next rant..........

Days 3 and 4

Yesterday was pretty awesome! I guess I had a good Paleo day ;) I'm pretty sure it's because I started my day with an awesome Paleo friendly smoothie that I concocted! It was the bomb people, THE BOMB! I really didn't miss anything!

Fast forward to today....
Have you ever been to Fresh Market? I LOVE that place....until Paleo! That place was torture. We went in to get these awesome burgers to grill. Standing all excitedly at the meat counter ready to order the burgers, I look down and notice they ALL have some type of cheese in them. *sigh* I turn to J and say "but..but, there's noth THAT much cheese in them." He looks at me and promptly says "it's not Paleo"  Yay for J! I would have bought those burgers and ate them! Feeling victorious as I walk out with sirloin burger, iceberg lettuce, and almond butter, I walk over to those girls at the Girl Scout stand selling those freaking delicious cookies and purchase a box that the kids had been begging me to buy. I hand the box to them and tell them to enjoy!

I got this. ;)

Happy Valentines to Me.... Uh NOT

Day 2...

Lets see.. its Valentines Day and I can have NO chocolate and well quite frankly that just saddens me. I have eaten a ton of fruit trying to curb my sweet tooth but really Im still dreaming of the Godiva someone gave me earlier that I promptly got rid of. Yes, you read it right I GAVE AWAY Godiva, its un American I know. Ive also turned down the cookies, cakes, doughnuts, and brownies that my nice coworkers made for Valentines Day. They taunt me everytime I have to get one of my patients. Oh, and my lunch.... sucked. I didnt want to eat grilled chicken salad 2 days in a row!!!

Yes People.... Day 2 sucks!!!!
I got this.. I got this.... I got this.... Repeat after me and help in trying to convince me I got this. :)

30 DAYS PALEO... HERE WE GO!!!

Ive decided to do it!! Im jumping on the Paleo bandwagon and Im pretty damn excited about it (keep in mind this is day 1). I have lost about 20-25 lbs but my body is still not where I want it to be so in a last ditch effort I thought.. why not? As a serious carb addict, Im pretty convinced this will be the hardest damn thing I have ever done but Im up for a challenge AND the hubs is doing it  with me!!! YAY, for a support network!!!

Im not feeling too deprived at this moment but again.. its day 1. Heres what Im thinking I will miss
1. Diet Coke/ Coke Zero. (Im a one a day drinker)
2. Creamer in my coffee. Today I substituted with Almond milk. Its doable but definitely NOT the same.
3. Chocolate.. because who wouldnt miss chocolate?
4. Alcohol on the weekends.
5. Sandwiches...

But I got this..... Stay tuned for bitching and hopefully amazing results. :)

Just some thoughts....

What happened in CT is heartbreaking. Losing a Child is in my opinion the worst thing that could happen to a parent and I'm deeply saddened for these families. With that being said, we the people are the problem. It's not guns and it's not because we don't allow god in our schools. We as people have abandoned morals,values, honesty, kindness, and love. Parents have become lazy. We no longer teach our children the value of life, respect for others, and the importance of giving back to society. Instead we teach them to love things not people, that more is always better, and that people who are different are somehow less than.

What can we expect in a world that has lost it's values? We can expect a world that's deeply in debt, a world that is always in conflict, and people who will act irrationally because they don't value another human beings life or their own for that matter. We are not vigilant. When tragedy strikes due to one persons hand, we find there were always signs that lead up to the act. The person was withdrawn, a loner, etc,etc. It is our job as a society and as parents to be aware of the signs and try to intervene in some way. If your child shows signs of being a loner, withdrawn, or "different", it's your job to get to the root of the problem whether you do it personally or professionally.

I feel sorry for my kids; they have far too much to worry about. When I was a kid, we worried about getting grounded for a bad grade or being out past curfew. Kids today are worried about the world ending, zombie apocalypses, and whether or not their school is safe from shooters. It's sad! If we as Americans don't wake the fuck up and realize the real root of the problem we will be doomed. We as people will take each other out, our country will no longer be considered a powerhouse, and we will continue to be victims of such heinous crimes. I think it's time to change.... Really change.

Semper Paratus... Always ready

Hurricane Katrina, Southeast Asia Tsunami relief, Drug interdiction, Migrant interdiction; the Coast Guard is always ready. In times of disaster and tragedy, they are often first on the scene. When stranded at sea, you can be assured that these men and women are doing their best to rescue you. They are ALWAYS READY. 

In the wake of this weeks tragic helicopter crash, the men and women of the Coast Guard are ready. They are ready to bring their missing brothers home. They are ready to fly day and night. They are ready to comfort each other in the midst of tragedy. They are ready to do what they do best... they are ready to work together as a family.

I am not your typical military wife, I do not base my worth or identity on my husband's career. His rank is not my rank. His time in service is not my time. I am my own person, I have my own career. I have done my own time, with that being said, words cannot express how proud I am to be a Coastie wife. The Coast Guard knows what family means. Its a special family, a family chosen not made. A family who has come to my rescue during holidays when I  missed  my immediate family. A family that came to my husbands rescue when his dad was on life support. A group of people who are always ready to take you in as part of their family.  I am truly moved by the way they come together.

My heart hurts for those families who's loved ones are missing. I cant imagine the pain they are going through right now. I only hope that they find comfort in knowing they are surrounded by this gigantic family. A family who is always ready to rescue them by listening, by comforting, and by just being there. I love my Coast Guard family!!!! 

Parents Who are Proud of Themselves!!

Why do parents feel the need to log onto facebook to post what great parents they are? I'm seeing this more and more, and quite frankly I'm disgusted. Anyone who has to announce "I'm the greatest parent in the world" isn't. Great parents don't know they're great, in fact great parents often feel like they're never great enough. I will brag all day long about my children's accomplishments but you will NEVER see ME post a comment about what a great mom I am. 

Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a decent mom and I've met way worse than I, but I am not foolish enough to think I'm great. Every night after my children are in bed I think about whether I was a  "good enough" mom for the day. Did I really listen to them when they told me about their day or was I distracted by my phone, the dogs, or the dirty house? Some days I'm fortunate enough to say I have listened, other days... not so much. Everyday I reflect back on whether or not a showered them with enough hugs, kisses, and I love you's. Some days I'm satisfied and some days I'm not.  Every night before I fall asleep I vow to do better. I vow to be a better mom tomorrow than I was today. When the reality is........ I will never feel like I have been a perfect parent. Its just an impossible task.

That's why these "bragging parents" kill me. They don't brag about the kids, nope, they brag about their parenting skills. I can say that those I know personally, are bragging out of insecurity. One parent goes on and on to brag how he is a single dad and has raised his daughter when the reality is his daughter has only lived with him for 6 months and up until that point he's never been a stable fixture in her life. He was too busy screwing around on her mother. Gimme a break; get over yourself! The only people who can attest to your parenting skills are your children! If your children become well rounded, well mannered, successful adults who know how to live, love, and laugh, then and only then, may you give yourself a pat on the back. However, that pat would be much more meaningful if that child you raised was the one giving it to you; that my friends means you not only have done your job, but you did it awesomely!