My Gramp!

Its funny how a smell, a saying, or even a look, can make you remember someone who has passed. Today, I had a patient who reminded me of my grandfather. I started to travel down memory lane, something I haven't done in a long long time and I realized its been 10 years since he passed. He died when I was living in North Carolina and I was about 4 months pregnant with my first child. His last years were miserable! He was in and out of nursing homes, hospitals, and his final stop.. hospice.

I visited him every night when he was in the nursing home. I hated to see him struggle to breathe, I hated the in and out admissions to the hospitals,and when he passed I found great comfort in knowing he would no longer suffer. I spent a lot of time with him when he became ill, we became closer than we ever had been.  I can still remember his smile, his laugh,and his smart ass remarks. I remember him telling me over and over again... "those eyes". He loved my eyes and always made a big deal about them. When I was fretting over something, he always reassured me it would work itself out and I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. I am just now getting better at taking that advice.

He was a  funny guy who called women broads, loved his Sanka coffee, and often rolled his eyes at his wife when she was bitching, which she routinely did. He always made me feel special, especially in his last years; years he was struggling. He wasn't a perfect man, but he was a great man. Damn, I miss him!!

Jacob's 10th Birthday!!!

I cant believe my baby boy turned 10! Seriously, where does the time go? This year he didn't want a REAL party. He said he just wanted to have a couple friends over, maybe hit a movie,and then have a sleepover. Oh and absolutely NO GAMES. He is too old for games. Hmph, what fun is any of that?

I did convince him to have a "campout party". Then Jason suggested we could do a little scavenger hunt for the boys. Sounded like a great idea to me. We had 7 boys total. Jason was patient enough to take them all to see Planet of the Apes. Then we came back and had some pizza, went on a scavenger hunt, and made some smores. Jake told me at one point during the night, that this was the best birthday party he has ever had. Mission Accomplished!!!

The cutest cake, Ive ever seen

 Fun in the pool with friends

 Even a pool doesn't keep kids from wanting to play in the sprinkler. :)

 

 Pizza Time!!!!

 The Campout Crew!!!!

 Scavenger hunting!!!

 Whats in this bag???

 Gift time!! Thanks Everyone!!

 Ending the night with a little Smore action.

Gaining Control!

Saying August was a busy month seems like a drastic understatement! I feel like my head has been spinning in so many different directions. We had two birthdays in the Smith family this month, kids started back to school, and 4 days a week you can find us at the soccer field. I am happy to report that things have started to settle down. (YAY!!!!!!!!) They have settled down enough for me to sit down and blog about the months happening. I do apologize if these blogs seem a bit mediocre, I'm so much better  blogging in the present. Blogging about the past rarely does the blog justice, but I shall try. ......

Jason turned 35 last month and I decided to throw him a birthday get together at the house. You know the drill, "its just going to be a small get together". I don't do small, I don't know why I continue to convince myself I do. So instead of a small get together we had a Mexican Fiesta Bash, Complete with Margaritas,enchiladas,pinata bashing, and pin the tail on the Jackass (aka Jason). I would be lying if I said I didn't stress over this party, but in the end Jason was happy and we had a great great time.

The Birthday Boy

Mocktail Margaritas for the kiddies.

 Me spinning Jason for pin the tail on the jackass... I couldn't stop laughing. I will have you know ALL adults were subject to playing. More pics on FB.

He would pin it there!!! I think maybe he could see....

 

Pinata Time... The adults never got a turn......

  Sombrero Toss anyone????

 The awesome,yummy, delicious, cake!!!

I'm alive, Im alive.

I have been a true slacker lately. Not just a blog slacker, but an overall slacker. My only excuse which I know all of you are quite familiar with, Ive been busy!!! Too busy to read, blog, cook,workout,eat right,clean my closet,etc, etc. I think you probably get the point. So this blog is intended for me to regain control of my busy life and update you on the last month or so.....

I would be wrong not to blog about our vacation to Cape San Blas. If you haven't been to Cape San Blas, I recommend you go very soon.At the end of July, the family and I loaded up in the car and drove about 3 hours to our destination, a beach house on Cape San Blas. I have always wanted to stay in a beach house and the experience did not disappoint me. Sun, fun, and family...what more can one ask for? Here are some of my favorite pics.

The whole family hanging out in Apalachicola. Checking out the shops and grabbing some lunch.

 Time for some night time fishing. This was interrupted by the hatching of sea turtles. Super cool experience for the kids to see. Would have taken some pics but NO LIGHTS allowed, it scares the turtles.

 I love first times. This is me testing out the mushy water that I would  be scalloping in. I had never been scalloping. It was a little gross but fun. :)

 One of many perfect sunsets,we got to see while we were there.

Deep Sadness!!!

Tonight I noticed my answering machine blinking so I hit play and what I heard brought me to tears.Jacob's classmate Tyler, lost his fight with cancer Thursday night. Everyone in this community knows who Tyler is. He was the cutest little kid who always seemed happy despite his illness. I still remember the day Jacob saw his picture in the Sunday paper and then he read the caption underneath which talked about his battle with cancer. He said " I feel so bad for him mom, will he die". What can you say really? I said what any parent would say. "Hopefully he will get better with the treatment, and please don't treat him differently because he doesn't need to be reminded that he has cancer".

We are so blessed. I got down on my knees tonight and thanked god for blessing me with two healthy children. Although they can drive us batty, children are so special. Hug them, kiss them, shower them with love and thank god for everyday you get to spend with them.

My "Real Dad"

For some reason,  I have been thinking alot about my dad, not my step dad, but my real dad. I say "real dad" loosely as my step dad has always been my "real dad". He was always the one who was there. He made sure I had clothes, food, and a house to live in. He was there when I needed him to be and although a quiet man, I never doubted his love for me or my sister.

So back to the "real dad" or maybe biological father is a better term. Wait, before I go any further, I should throw out this disclaimer..." I am not intending to hurt anyone on that side of the family whether it be my stepmother, father, step siblings, or cousins. This is my blog and I'm voicing my opinion". There, now that's out of the way.....

I guess Ive been thinking about him because of the recent pics of him on my step sisters facebook page. I don't know how he lives with himself knowing he basically abandoned his first two kids. His story was always the same... It was my mothers fault for moving us to Florida (he lives in Mass). Interestingly, we lived in Mass till I was 13, and he and my mom split when I was 2. While we did see him on the occasional weekend, it wasn't consistent until he met my current step mom. I really believe she is the reason we got picked up many weekends. All of my good memories are really centered around her, not my dad.What was his excuse before we moved to Florida?  I can tell you in my adult life, I have plenty of friends who's ex husbands live out of state, yet they still manage to see their kids. They spend entire summers, Christmas vacations, and spring breaks with their dads. I can count on both hands the number of times my father has called me to wish me a happy birthday, merry Christmas, or happy new year in my whole entire life. I couldve picked up the phone and called him and I used to until I realized that every time we talked he still had no idea what I do for a living, what my kids names were, or what my husband's name is. The minute I would start talking about my life, he would interrupt to tell me about his. I quit calling.

Last time I talked to my dad on the phone was 4 years ago when my step mom called to tell me he was in the hospital due to liver/kidney problems. My dad was an alcoholic. She told me it was really bad, so I called, and the minute I did, I got that same sickening feeling in my stomach. The feeling of a forced conversation. I decided right then and there, that we might as well just accept that while he is my biological father, there is no bond there. Talking to him is no different than talking to a complete stranger. Harsh words, but true. He missed the opportunity to bond with me a long time ago. I do blame him because he was the adult. Yes, I am an adult now, but when his love mattered the most, I was just a kid.

After his hospital incident, he became sober. I believe he still is. The last time I saw him was last year at my grandmother's funeral. Awkward, both of us trying to fake it. It was more than uncomfortable. I would've thought with 3-4 years sobriety under his belt, he would have maybe regretted the way he shunned my sister and I...all because we moved to Florida. You would've thought he would pick up the phone and call to wish me a happy birthday. Nope, nothing.

Today, I am proud of who I am and I know that he didn't have a damn thing to do with it. He cant take credit for the awesome family I have, my well behaved children, my 3 college degrees, my moral values. He cant take credit for the person I am at all. I have formed my own opinions of him as he has probably formed his own of me. My mother or step father never spoke a bad word about him EVER. They didn't have to because over time he has shown me all the things they probably wanted to say. He has shown me he is a heartless and selfish individual. Anyone who can turn their back on their kids the way he did, is in my opinion ..heartless. He had 5 more kids after us, so maybe it made it easier, I don't know. I'm sure he was a great dad to them, but to me and my sister he was anything but great.

Puppy Update!

Can you say freakin nightmare? I surely can! I don't know what the hell I was thinking, because prior to this week, I had a great life. Two great kids, a great husband, great friends, and a great dog. Please tell me why I did not listen to all of you who pleaded with me NOT to get the puppy.

Let me tell you what my week of the new dog has been like. Jason goes to pick up the puppy from getting spade, when he gets there he is told the pup has kennel cough and is given antibiotics. No problem, right? He also notes the puppy is scratching so I stop at the vet and pick up some flea medicine. We put the medicine on, play with "Julie". Like all pups, she decides she has to do a number 2, guess what we find? Tapeworms. Disgusting. I make an appt to take her to the vet. The evening finally ends with me seeing fleas swarm her head and non stop barking when I put her in her crate for the evening. Definitely not the happy exciting day I thought it would be.  *sigh*.

Fast forward past the dewormer the vet gives me and the bombing of my house, just in case any fleas didn't die. Julie becomes so ill on Friday that I have to take her back to the vet. She is not eating or drinking ,or playing, and she has blood in her stool. I personally was thinking parvo. I was pretty upset about it. I was put at ease however,  when the vet told me she didn't have parvo, but its likely just the kennel cough. $151.00 bucks later, I'm sent home with two cans of food and another antibiotic, she was also given an injectable antibiotic. 

Two days later, she doesn't seem to be getting better. She is peeing in her crate which is frustrating bc I thought dogs would not do this. The accidents in my house are few, mainly because she is never out of my sight, which is exhausting in itself. The barking in the crate has subsided some, but she is persistent with the barking at 5 a.m., when she is letting me know she is ready to get out of the crate. Its only been a week, and I cant help but think I've made a HUGE mistake. This dog is not only sick, but is also wreaking havoc on my once "normal" easy life *sigh* Don't any of you DARE say "I told you so"!