I'm alive, Im alive.

I have been a true slacker lately. Not just a blog slacker, but an overall slacker. My only excuse which I know all of you are quite familiar with, Ive been busy!!! Too busy to read, blog, cook,workout,eat right,clean my closet,etc, etc. I think you probably get the point. So this blog is intended for me to regain control of my busy life and update you on the last month or so.....

I would be wrong not to blog about our vacation to Cape San Blas. If you haven't been to Cape San Blas, I recommend you go very soon.At the end of July, the family and I loaded up in the car and drove about 3 hours to our destination, a beach house on Cape San Blas. I have always wanted to stay in a beach house and the experience did not disappoint me. Sun, fun, and family...what more can one ask for? Here are some of my favorite pics.

The whole family hanging out in Apalachicola. Checking out the shops and grabbing some lunch.

 Time for some night time fishing. This was interrupted by the hatching of sea turtles. Super cool experience for the kids to see. Would have taken some pics but NO LIGHTS allowed, it scares the turtles.

 I love first times. This is me testing out the mushy water that I would  be scalloping in. I had never been scalloping. It was a little gross but fun. :)

 One of many perfect sunsets,we got to see while we were there.

Deep Sadness!!!

Tonight I noticed my answering machine blinking so I hit play and what I heard brought me to tears.Jacob's classmate Tyler, lost his fight with cancer Thursday night. Everyone in this community knows who Tyler is. He was the cutest little kid who always seemed happy despite his illness. I still remember the day Jacob saw his picture in the Sunday paper and then he read the caption underneath which talked about his battle with cancer. He said " I feel so bad for him mom, will he die". What can you say really? I said what any parent would say. "Hopefully he will get better with the treatment, and please don't treat him differently because he doesn't need to be reminded that he has cancer".

We are so blessed. I got down on my knees tonight and thanked god for blessing me with two healthy children. Although they can drive us batty, children are so special. Hug them, kiss them, shower them with love and thank god for everyday you get to spend with them.

My "Real Dad"

For some reason,  I have been thinking alot about my dad, not my step dad, but my real dad. I say "real dad" loosely as my step dad has always been my "real dad". He was always the one who was there. He made sure I had clothes, food, and a house to live in. He was there when I needed him to be and although a quiet man, I never doubted his love for me or my sister.

So back to the "real dad" or maybe biological father is a better term. Wait, before I go any further, I should throw out this disclaimer..." I am not intending to hurt anyone on that side of the family whether it be my stepmother, father, step siblings, or cousins. This is my blog and I'm voicing my opinion". There, now that's out of the way.....

I guess Ive been thinking about him because of the recent pics of him on my step sisters facebook page. I don't know how he lives with himself knowing he basically abandoned his first two kids. His story was always the same... It was my mothers fault for moving us to Florida (he lives in Mass). Interestingly, we lived in Mass till I was 13, and he and my mom split when I was 2. While we did see him on the occasional weekend, it wasn't consistent until he met my current step mom. I really believe she is the reason we got picked up many weekends. All of my good memories are really centered around her, not my dad.What was his excuse before we moved to Florida?  I can tell you in my adult life, I have plenty of friends who's ex husbands live out of state, yet they still manage to see their kids. They spend entire summers, Christmas vacations, and spring breaks with their dads. I can count on both hands the number of times my father has called me to wish me a happy birthday, merry Christmas, or happy new year in my whole entire life. I couldve picked up the phone and called him and I used to until I realized that every time we talked he still had no idea what I do for a living, what my kids names were, or what my husband's name is. The minute I would start talking about my life, he would interrupt to tell me about his. I quit calling.

Last time I talked to my dad on the phone was 4 years ago when my step mom called to tell me he was in the hospital due to liver/kidney problems. My dad was an alcoholic. She told me it was really bad, so I called, and the minute I did, I got that same sickening feeling in my stomach. The feeling of a forced conversation. I decided right then and there, that we might as well just accept that while he is my biological father, there is no bond there. Talking to him is no different than talking to a complete stranger. Harsh words, but true. He missed the opportunity to bond with me a long time ago. I do blame him because he was the adult. Yes, I am an adult now, but when his love mattered the most, I was just a kid.

After his hospital incident, he became sober. I believe he still is. The last time I saw him was last year at my grandmother's funeral. Awkward, both of us trying to fake it. It was more than uncomfortable. I would've thought with 3-4 years sobriety under his belt, he would have maybe regretted the way he shunned my sister and I...all because we moved to Florida. You would've thought he would pick up the phone and call to wish me a happy birthday. Nope, nothing.

Today, I am proud of who I am and I know that he didn't have a damn thing to do with it. He cant take credit for the awesome family I have, my well behaved children, my 3 college degrees, my moral values. He cant take credit for the person I am at all. I have formed my own opinions of him as he has probably formed his own of me. My mother or step father never spoke a bad word about him EVER. They didn't have to because over time he has shown me all the things they probably wanted to say. He has shown me he is a heartless and selfish individual. Anyone who can turn their back on their kids the way he did, is in my opinion ..heartless. He had 5 more kids after us, so maybe it made it easier, I don't know. I'm sure he was a great dad to them, but to me and my sister he was anything but great.

Puppy Update!

Can you say freakin nightmare? I surely can! I don't know what the hell I was thinking, because prior to this week, I had a great life. Two great kids, a great husband, great friends, and a great dog. Please tell me why I did not listen to all of you who pleaded with me NOT to get the puppy.

Let me tell you what my week of the new dog has been like. Jason goes to pick up the puppy from getting spade, when he gets there he is told the pup has kennel cough and is given antibiotics. No problem, right? He also notes the puppy is scratching so I stop at the vet and pick up some flea medicine. We put the medicine on, play with "Julie". Like all pups, she decides she has to do a number 2, guess what we find? Tapeworms. Disgusting. I make an appt to take her to the vet. The evening finally ends with me seeing fleas swarm her head and non stop barking when I put her in her crate for the evening. Definitely not the happy exciting day I thought it would be.  *sigh*.

Fast forward past the dewormer the vet gives me and the bombing of my house, just in case any fleas didn't die. Julie becomes so ill on Friday that I have to take her back to the vet. She is not eating or drinking ,or playing, and she has blood in her stool. I personally was thinking parvo. I was pretty upset about it. I was put at ease however,  when the vet told me she didn't have parvo, but its likely just the kennel cough. $151.00 bucks later, I'm sent home with two cans of food and another antibiotic, she was also given an injectable antibiotic. 

Two days later, she doesn't seem to be getting better. She is peeing in her crate which is frustrating bc I thought dogs would not do this. The accidents in my house are few, mainly because she is never out of my sight, which is exhausting in itself. The barking in the crate has subsided some, but she is persistent with the barking at 5 a.m., when she is letting me know she is ready to get out of the crate. Its only been a week, and I cant help but think I've made a HUGE mistake. This dog is not only sick, but is also wreaking havoc on my once "normal" easy life *sigh* Don't any of you DARE say "I told you so"!

Stressing like a MOFO....

So I'm mainly writing this blog hoping that your words may help me deal with what I'm about to do. I did something VERY VERY horrible. I didn't keep my mouth shut!!! I know what you're thinking... what else is new and well you're right but I'm about to tell you the magnitude of what it has caused.

Sierra has been wanting a pet for a LONG LONG time. First it was a turtle, then it was a bunny, then a hermit crab, and the latest... a puppy that she can hold. I am completely against bunnies;Ive had one and all I can say is they smell and good luck trying to really "play" with a bunny. Turtles and hermit crabs also rank amongst "worst pets ever", at least in my book. Thus leaving the puppy.

Why did I go online and look at all the puppies the shelter has? Why did I even show her the pictures? We saw the cutest puppy ever, a small breed dog. He is black and white and she said "can I get him because he's so cute and I wanna call him Oreo", very clever indeed. I MAY have said "yes, Sierra...hes so cute, we should get him"

At first I think it will be fun... then puppy reality sets in and I realize my life will be hell for at least 6 months. I try to back out, but it's too late. She has told everyone, she is getting Oreo tomorrow. *sigh*. I try to say let me give you a 100 bucks instead of the dog, the reply.."NO, i want the dog". I beg for her to get the bunny, the reply...NO, I want the dog. This child is not budging. I go to the store she buys the dog toys, I get the dog a crate.....

Then I decide to just tell her we cant get the dog, it is going to be TONS of work and I'm not sure I am up for it. Then she does what Sierra does, hits me where it hurts. Not literally hits me, but uses harsh words that went something like this..."you and dad told me I could get it, I told everyone, and now I look like a liar. You guys always tell me something and then you take it back" What i heard was...You are a horrible excuse for a mother. What she said hurts because its true. We talk her out of things we promise her ALL the time.

So now I'm sitting here fretting... What would a good mom do? A good mom would make good on her word and follow through no matter how painful it might be. So peeps, a puppy it is. Wish me lots of patience and luck, I know I am going to need it. On the bright side, Shaggy will have the friend we've been promising and the puppy stage doesn't last forever...RIGHT????

Can You Say STOKED!!!!

Four years ago, my husband and I ensued in a court battle with his (dare I say it), stepmother. Some of you reading this already know the story but for those who dont,  I will try to keep it brief. Jason's father passed away 4 years ago when we were stationed in Hawaii, he did not have a will. Under normal circumstances, the property would go to the wife for the rest of her life and then after she passed, it would then go to the children of the deceased.

Under normal circumstances, clearly not the case here. This evil woman knew that she would be unable to sell the property if this happened so what she did is forged a quick claim deed, leaving the property all to herself and none in the dads name. The day of my father in laws funeral, (actually 15 minutes before it was about to start), she filed this deed at the courthouse. Now if thats not the sign of a grieving widow, I dont know what is. LOL. This is where the fight ensued.

It really wasnt about the property, it was more about the principle. The night of his funeral the grieving widow told me she was gonna drink it up and puke bright colors because he was FINALLY gone. I have a friend who can attest to this. We both stood there baffled. She was selling all of his things to crackheads the very next day after his funeral; again,surely the sign of a grieving widow. She even took money towards the sale of the property, property she did not have the right to sell.  Did I  mention that she had not lived with my father in law in over a year?

As the lawsuit ensued, she alleged we stole money from her, stole items from her house, and maintained her defense that my father in law had no relationship with his sons. Allegation after allegation was like a kick in the stomach. I soon realized that this piece of trash would stoop to the lowest level and then dive below that.

She messed up though, you see, she did not expect a fight. In fact, I believe her exact words were "try to sue me, spend all your money, and I will still have this property". Well we did sue her, we did spend ALOT of money fighting her, but we also now have rights to that property. Sure she gets to live there for the rest of her life, but after that, the property goes to my husband and his brother. I am so very happy today for many reasons. There were times over the last 4 years that I did just want to throw in the towel, but then i remembered, my husband has lost both his parents by the age of 31. He was fighting for something he believed in. His dad although he never wrote it down, made his wishes very clear to my husband. He was fighting for what his dad wanted. He was fighting for something that meant everything to him, a piece of his parents. Im truly happy for my husband and I know that both of his parents looked down upon him today proudly!

P.S. I'm glad she got exactly what was coming to her. :)

Being a Working Parent is HARD!!!!

For years, stay at home moms and working moms have bantered about who really works harder. Is it the stay at home mom who is with her children every moment of the day or is it the mom who works 8 hrs and then comes home to work another 6 hours? I have been on both sides of the fence, although the staying at home part was only for a year. I can tell you that they are both difficult at times and tonight was one of those nights where I was harshly punished for being a working mother. How? As I tucked my six year old in, she was crying because she wants to spend more time with me. Ahhhh, the guilt of a working mother  never goes away. Its the guilt that just keeps giving.

I'm sure most working mothers would agree that we as parents find it difficult to say no at times, buy more toys than we should, and maybe even put up with a little more than the average mom. We do these things largely out  of guilt;we do it to compensate for the lack of hours we spend  with them. On the same note,we spend more quality time with our kids because we know that we only have a few hours before its bedtime. We let the laundry, the dishes, and the floors wait, until after bedtime. We listen intently, laugh alot, and play, because we know this little window of time is valuable.

I don't regret my decision to have a career. I know that I am teaching my daughter that there is nothing wrong with being a strong independent woman. There is nothing wrong with having a career and a family, after all men do it all the time. There are three qualities a working mom must have: Great time management skills, ability to multi task with ease, and a TOUGH heart for moments like today! Its always heartbreaking when your child tells you that you're not the supermom you think you are.

So tonight, I reassure her that I love her WAY MORE than my career,way more than anything really. I promise fun times this weekend with no bedtime. I give her a kiss and hope that we wont have this heartbreaking talk again anytime soon.